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le when theyˇre over。 To keep from hating the prep team; I effectively tune out most of what theyˇre saying。
Cinna es in with what appears to be an unassuming yellow dress across his arms。
¨Have you given up the whole ˉgirl on fireˇ thing?〃 I ask。
¨You tell me;〃 he says; and slips it over my head。 I immediately notice the padding over my breasts; adding curves that hunger has stolen from my body。 My hands go to my chest and I frown。
¨I know;〃 says Cinna before I can object。 ¨But the Gamemakers wanted to alter you surgically。 Haymitch had a huge fight with them over it。 This was the promise。〃 He stops me before I can look at my reflection。 ¨Wait; donˇt forget the shoes。〃 Venia helps me into a pair of flat leather sandals and I turn to the mirror。
I am still the ¨girl on fire。〃 The sheer fabric softly glows。 Even the slight movement in the air sends a ripple up my body。 By parison; the chariot costume seems garish; the interview dress too contrived。 In this dress; I give the illusion of wearing candlelight。
¨What do you think?〃 asks Cinna。
¨I think itˇs the best yet;〃 I say。 When I manage to pull my eyes away from the flickering fabric; Iˇm in for something of a shock。 My hairˇs loose; held back by a simple hairband。 The makeup rounds and fills out the sharp angles of my face。 A clear polish coats my nails。 The sleeveless dress is gathered at my ribs; not my waist; largely eliminating any help the pad348 ding would have given my figure。 The hem falls just to my knees。 Without heels; you can see my true stature。 I look; very simply; like a girl。 A young one。 Fourteen at the most。 Innocent。 Harmless。 Yes; it is shocking that Cinna has pulled this off when you remember Iˇve just won the Games。
This is a very calculated look。 Nothing Cinna designs is arbitrary。 I bite my lip trying to figure out his motivation。
¨I thought itˇd be something more 。 。 。 sophisticated… looking;〃 I say。
¨I thought Peeta would like this better;〃 he answers carefully。
Peeta? No; itˇs not about Peeta。 Itˇs about the Capitol and the Gamemakers and the audience。 Although I do not yet understand Cinnaˇs design; itˇs a reminder the Games are not quite finished。 And beneath his benign reply; I sense a warning。 Of something he canˇt even mention in front of his own team。
We take the elevator to the level where we trained。 Itˇs customary for the victor and his or her support team to rise from beneath the stage。 First the prep team; followed by the escort; the stylist; the mentor; and finally the victor。 Only this year; with two victors who share both an escort and a mentor; the whole thing has had to be rethought。 I find myself in a poorly lit area under the stage。 A brand…new metal plate has been installed to transport me upward。 You can still see small piles of sawdust; smell fresh paint。 Cinna and the prep team peel off to change into their own costumes and take their positions; leaving me alone。 In the gloom; I see a makeshift wall about ten yards away and assume Peetaˇs behind it。
The rumbling of the crowd is loud; so I donˇt notice Haymitch until he touches my shoulder。 I spring away; startled; still half in the arena; I guess。
¨Easy; just me。 Letˇs have a look at you;〃 Haymitch says。 I hold out my arms and turn once。 ¨Good enough。〃
Itˇs not much of a pliment。 ¨But what?〃 I say。
Haymitchˇs eyes shift around my musty holding space; and he seems to make a decision。 ¨But nothing。 How about a hug for luck?〃
Okay; thatˇs an odd request from Haymitch but; after all; we are victors。 Maybe a hug for luck is in order。 Only; when I put my arms around his neck; I find myself trapped in his embrace。 He begins talking; very fast; very quietly in my ear; my hair concealing his lips。
¨Listen up。 Youˇre in trouble。 Word is the Capitolˇs furious about you showing them up in the arena。 The one thing they canˇt stand is being laughed at and theyˇre the joke of Panem;〃 says Haymitch。
I feel dread coursing through me now; but I laugh as though Haymitch is saying something pletely delightful because nothing is covering my mouth。 ¨So; what?〃
¨Your only defense can be you were so madly in love you werenˇt responsible for your actions。〃 Haymitch pulls back and adjusts my hairband。 ¨Got it; sweetheart?〃 He could be talking about anything now。
¨Got it;〃 I say。 ¨Did you tell Peeta this?〃
¨Donˇt have to;〃 says Haymitch。 ¨Heˇs already there。〃
¨But you think Iˇm not?〃 I say; taking the opportunity to straighten a bright red bow tie Cinna must have wrestled him into。
¨Since when does it matter what I think?〃 says Haymitch。 ¨Better take our places。〃 He leads me to the metal circle。 ¨This is your night; sweetheart。 Enjoy it。〃 He kisses me on the forehead and disappears into the gloom。
I tug on my skirt; willing it to be longer; wanting it to cover the knocking in my knees。 Then I realize itˇs pointless。 My whole bodyˇs shaking like a leaf。 Hopefully; it will be put down to excitement。 After all; itˇs my night。
The damp; moldy smell beneath the stage threatens to choke me。 A cold; clammy sweat breaks out on my skin and I canˇt rid myself of the feeling that the boards above my head are about to collapse; to bury me alive under the rubble。 When I left the arena; when the trumpets played; I was supposed to be safe。 From then on。 For the rest of my life。 But if what Haymitch says is true; and heˇs got no reason to lie; Iˇve never been in such a dangerous place in my life。
Itˇs so much worse than being hunted in the arena。 There; I could only die。 End of story。 But out here Prim; my mother; Gale; the people of District 12; everyone I care about back home could be punished if I canˇt pull off the girl…drivencrazy… by…love scenario Haymitch has suggested。
So I still have a chance; though。 Funny; in the arena; when I poured out those berries; I was only thinking of outsmarting the Gamemakers; not how my actions would reflect on the Capitol。 But the Hunger Games are their weapon and you are not supposed to be able to defeat it。 So now the Capitol will act as if theyˇve been in control the whole time。 As if they orchestrated the whole event; right down to the double suicide。 But that will only work if I play along with them。
And Peeta 。 。 。 Peeta will suffer; too; if this goes wrong。 But what was it Haymitch said when I asked if he had told Peeta the situation? That he had to pretend to be desperately in love?
¨Donˇt have to。 Heˇs already there。〃
Already thinking ahead of me in the Games again and well aware of the danger weˇre in? Or 。 。 。 already desperately in love? I donˇt know。 I havenˇt even begun to separate out my feelings about Peeta。 Itˇs too plicated。 What I did as part of the Games。 As opposed to what I did out of anger at the Capitol。 Or because of how it would be viewed back in District 12。 Or simply because it was the only decent thing to do。 Or what I did because I cared about him。
These are questions to be unraveled back home; in the peace and quiet of the woods; when no one is watching。 Not here with every eye upon me。 But I wonˇt have that luxury for who knows how long。 And right now; the most dangerous part of the Hunger Games is about to begin。
27
The anthem booms in my ears; and then I hear Caesar Flickerman greeting the audience。 Does he know how crucial it is to get every word right from now on? He must。 He will want to help us。 The crowd breaks into applause as the prep teams are presented。 I imagine Flavius; Venia; and Octavia bouncing around and taking ridiculous; bobbing bows。 Itˇs a safe bet theyˇre clueless。 Then Effieˇs introduced。 How long sheˇs waited for this moment。 I hope sheˇs able to enjoy it because as misguided as Effie can be; she has a very keen instinct about certain things and must at least suspect weˇre in trouble。 Portia and Cinna receive huge cheers; of course; theyˇve been brilliant; had a dazzling debut。 I now understand Cinnaˇs choice of dress for me for tonight。 Iˇll need to look as girlish and innocent as possible。 Haymitchˇs appearance brings a round of stomping that goes on at least five minutes。 Well; heˇs acplished a first。 Keeping not only one but two tributes alive。 What if he hadnˇt warned me in time? Woul