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for me in any one of fifty ways； and that took it into its head not to
do it at all。 So here I am； a poor devil of an artist。'
Clennam was beginning； 'But on the other hand……' when Gowan took him up。
'Yes； yes； I know。 I have the good fortune of being beloved by a
beautiful and charming girl whom I love with all my heart。' （'Is there
much of it？' Clennam thought。 And as he thought it； felt ashamed of
himself。）
'And of finding a father…in…law who is a capital fellow and a liberal
good old boy。 Still； I had other prospects washed and bed into my
childish head when it was washed and bed for me； and I took them to
a public school when I washed and bed it for myself； and I am here
without them； and thus I am a disappointed man。'
Clennam thought （and as he thought it； again felt ashamed of himself）；
was this notion of being disappointed in life； an assertion of station
which the bridegroom brought into the family as his property； having
already carried it detrimentally into his pursuit？ And was it a hopeful
or a promising thing anywhere？
'Not bitterly disappointed； I think；' he said aloud。 'Hang it； no； not
bitterly；' laughed Gowan。 'My people are not worth that……though they are
charming fellows； and I have the greatest affection for them。 Besides；
it's pleasant to show them that I can do without them； and that they may
all go to the Devil。 And besides； again； most men are disappointed in
life； somehow or other； and influenced by their disappointment。 But it's
a dear good world； and I love it！'
'It lies fair before you now；' said Arthur。
'Fair as this summer river；' cried the other； with enthusiasm； 'and by
Jove I glow with admiration of it； and with ardour to run a race in it。
It's the best of old worlds！ And my calling！ The best of old callings；
isn't it？'
'Full of interest and ambition； I conceive；' said Clennam。
'And imposition；' added Gowan； laughing； 'we won't leave out the
imposition。 I hope I may not break down in that； but there； my being
a disappointed man may show itself。 I may not be able to face it out
gravely enough。 Between you and me； I think there is some danger of my
being just enough soured not to be able to do that。'
'To do what？' asked Clennam。
'To keep it up。 To help myself in my turn； as the man before me helps
himself in his； and pass the bottle of smoke。 To keep up the pretence
as to labour； and study； and patience； and being devoted to my art； and
giving up many solitary days to it； and abandoning many pleasures for
it； and living in it； and all the rest of it……in short； to pass the
bottle of smoke according to rule。'
'But it is well for a man to respect his own vocation； whatever it is；
and to think himself bound to uphold it； and to claim for it the respect
it deserves； is it not？' Arthur reasoned。 'And your vocation； Gowan；
may really demand this suit and service。 I confess I should have thought
that all Art did。'
'What a good fellow you are； Clennam！' exclaimed the other； stopping
to look at him； as if with irrepressible admiration。 'What a capital
fellow！ You have never been disappointed。 That's easy to see。'
It would have been so cruel if he had meant it； that Clennam firmly
resolved to believe he did not mean it。 Gowan； without pausing； laid his
hand upon his shoulder； and laughingly and lightly went on：
'Clennam； I don't like to dispel your generous visions； and I would give
any money （if I had any）； to live in such a rose…coloured mist。 But what
I do in my trade； I do to sell。 What all we fellows do； we do to
sell。 If we didn't want to sell it for the most we can get for it； we
shouldn't do it。 Being work； it has to be done； but it's easily enough
done。 All the rest is hocus…pocus。
Now here's one of the advantages； or disadvantages； of knowing a
disappointed man。 You hear the truth。'
Whatever he had heard； and whether it deserved that name or another； it
sank into Clennam's mind。 It so took root there； that he began to fear
Henry Gowan would always be a trouble to him； and that so far he had
gained little or nothing from the dismissal of Nobody； with all his
inconsistencies； anxieties； and contradictions。 He found a contest still
always going on in his breast between his promise to keep Gowan in
none but good aspects before the mind of Mr Meagles； and his enforced
observation of Gowan in aspects that had no good in them。 Nor could he
quite support his own conscientious nature against misgivings that he
distorted and discoloured himself； by reminding himself that he never
sought those discoveries； and that he would have avoided them with
willingness and great relief。 For he never could forget what he had
been； and he knew that he had once disliked Gowan for no better reason
than that he had e in his way。
Harassed by these thoughts； he now began to wish the marriage over；
Gowan and his young wife gone； and himself left to fulfil his promise；
and discharge the generous function he had accepted。 This last week was；
in truth； an uneasy interval for the whole house。 Before Pet； or before
Gowan； Mr Meagles was radiant； but Clennam had more than once found him
alone； with his view of the scales and scoop much blurred； and had often
seen him look after the lovers； in the garden or elsewhere when he was
not seen by them； with the old clouded face on which Gowan had fallen
like a shadow。 In the arrangement of the house for the great occasion；
many little reminders of the old travels of the father and mother
and daughter had to be disturbed and passed from hand to hand； and
sometimes； in the midst of these mute witnesses； to the life they had
had together； even Pet herself would yield to lamenting and weeping。
Mrs Meagles； the blithest and busiest of mothers； went about singing
and cheering everybody； but she； honest soul； had her flights into store
rooms； where she would cry until her eyes were red； and would then
e out； attributing that appearance to pickled onions and pepper； and
singing clearer than ever。 Mrs Tickit； finding no balsam for a wounded
mind in Buchan's Domestic Medicine； suffered greatly from low spirits；
and from moving recollections of Minnie's infancy。 When the latter was
powerful with her； she usually sent up secret messages importing
that she was not in parlour condition as to her attire； and that she
solicited a sight of 'her child' in the kitchen； there； she would bless
her child's face； and bless her child's heart； and hug her child； in a
medley of tears and congratulations； chopping…boards； rolling…pins； and
pie…crust； with the tenderness of an old attached servant； which is a
very pretty tenderness indeed。
But all days e that are to be； and the marriage…day was to be； and it
came； and with it came all the Barnacles who were bidden to the feast。
There was Mr Tite Barnacle； from the Circumlocution Office； and Mews
Street； Grosvenor Square； with the expensive Mrs Tite Barnacle NEE
Stiltstalking； who made the Quarter Days so long in ing； and the
three expensive Miss Tite Barnacles； double…loaded with acplishments
and ready to go off； and yet not going off with the sharpness of flash
and bang that might have been expected； but rather hanging fire。 There
was Barnacle junior； also from the Circumlocution Office； leaving the
Tonnage of the country； which he was somehow supposed to take under
his protection； to look after itself； and； sooth to say； not at all
impairing the efficiency of its protection by leaving it alone。 There
was the engaging Young Barnacle； deriving from the sprightly side of the
family； also from the Circumlocution Office； gaily and agreeably helping
the occasion along； and treating it； in his sparkling way； as one of the
official forms and fees of the Church Department of How not to do it。
There were three other Young Barnacles from three other offices； insipid
to all the senses； and terribly in want of seasoning； doing the marriage
as they would have 'done' the Nile； Old Rome； the new singer； or
Jerusalem。
But there was greater game than this。 There was Lord Decimus Tite
Barnacle himself； in the odour of Circumlocution……with the very smell of
Despatch…Boxes upon him。 Yes； there was Lord Decimus Tite Barnacle； who
ha