按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
trike。 To…day in hisapathy John stared at them； not seeing； he began to dust them with exaggerated care of theprofoundly preoccupied。 One of the mottoes was pink and blue； and proclaimed in raised letters；which made the work of dusting harder：
e in the evening； or e in the morning；e when you’re looked for； or e without warning；A thousand weles you’ll find here before youAnd the oftener you e here； the more we’ll adore you。
And the other； in letters of fire against a background of gold； stated：
For God so loved the world； that He gave His only begotten Son； that whosoevershould believe in Him should not perish； but have everlasting life。
John iii； 16These somewhat unrelated sentiments decorated either side of the mantelpiece； obscured alittle by the silver candlesticks。 Between these two extremes； the greeting cards； received year afteryear； on Christmas； or Easter； or birthdays； trumpeted their glad tidings； while the green metalserpent； perpetually malevolent； raised its head proudly in the midst of these trophies； biding thetime to strike。 Against the mirror； like a procession； the photographs were arranged。
These photographs ily； which seemed to feel that aphotograph should memorate only the most distant past。 The photographs of John and Roy；and of the two girls； which seemed to violate this unspoken law； served only in fact to prove itmost iron…hard： they had all been taken in infancy； a time and a condition that the children couldnot remember。 John in this photograph lat naked on a white counterpane； and people laughed andsaid that it was cunning。 But John could never look at it without feeling shame and anger that hisnakedness should be here so unkindly revealed。 None of the other children was naked； no； Roy lay in the crib in a white gown and grinned toothlessly into the camera； and Sarah； somber at the ageof six months； wore a white bon； and Ruth was held in her mother’s arms。 When people lookedat these photograph and laughed； their laughter differ from the laughter with which they greetedthe naked John。 For this reason； when visitors tried to make advances to John he was sullen； andthey； feeling that for some reason he disliked them； retaliated by deciding that he was a ‘funny’
child。
Among the other photographs there was one of Aunt Florence； his father’s sister； in whichher hair； in the old…fashioned way； was worn high and tied with a ribbon； she had been very youngwhen his photograph was taken； and had just e North。 Sometimes； when she came to visit； shecalled the photograph to witness that she had indeed been beautiful in her youth。 There was aphotograph of his mother； not the John liked and had only once； but taken immediatelyafterhermarriage。Andthere（one） wasaphotographofhisfat（seen） her； dressed in black；（one） sittingon a country porch with his hands folded heavily in his lap。 The photograph had been taken on asunny day； and the sunlight brutally exaggerated the planes of his father’s face。 He stared into thesun； head raised； unbearable； and though it had been taken when he was young； it was not the faceof a young man； only something archaic in the dress indicated that this photograph had been takenlong ago。 At the time this picture was taken； Aunt Florence said； he was already a preacher； andhad a wife who was now in Heaven。 That he had been a preacher at that time was not astonishing；for it was impossible to imagine that he had ever been anything else； but that he had had a wife inthe so distant past who was now dead filled John with wonder by no means pleasant。 If she hadlived； John thought； then he would never have e North and met his mother。 And this shadowywoman； dead so many years； whose name he knew had been Deborah； held in the fastness of hertomb； it seemed to John； the key to all those mysteries he so longed to unlock。 It was she who hadknown his father in a life where John was not； and in a country John had never seen。 When he wasnothing； nowhere； dust； cloud； air； and sun； and falling rain； not even thought of； said his mother；in Heaven with the angels； said his aunt； she had known his father； and shared his father’s house。
She had loved his father。 She had known his father when lightning flashed and thunder rolledthrough Heaven； and his father said： ‘Listen。 God is talking。’ She had known him in the morningsof that far…off country when his father turned on his bed and opened his eyes； and she had lookedinto those eyes； seeing what they held； and she had not been afraid。 She had seen him baptized；kicking like a mule and howling； and she had seen him weep when his mother died； he was a rightyoung man then； Florence said。 Because she had looked into those eyes before they had looked onJohn； she knew that John would never know—the purity of his father’s eyes when John was notreflected in their depths。 She could have told him—had he but been able form his hiding…place toask！–how to make his father love him。 But now it was too late。 She would not speak before thejudgment day。 And among those many voices； the stammering with his own； John would care nolonger for her testimony。
When he had finished and the room was ready for Sunday； John felt dusty and weary andsat down beside the window in his father’s easy chair。 A glacial sun filled the streets； and a highwind filled the air with scraps of paper and frost dust； and banged the hanging signs of stores andstore…front churches。 It was the end of winter； and the garbage…filled snow that had been bankedalong the edges of pavements was melting now and filling the gutters。 Boys were playing stickballin the damp； cold streets； dressed in heavy woolen sweaters and heavy trousers； they danced and shouted； and the ball went crack as the stick struck it and sent I speeding through the air。 One ofthem wore a bright…red stocking cap with a great ball of wool hanging down behind that bouncedas he jumped； like a bright omen above his head。 The cold sun made their faces like copper andbrass； and through the closed window John heard their coarse； irreverent voices。 And he wanted tobe one of them； playing in the streets； unfrightened； moving with such grace and power； but heknew this could not be。 Yet； if he could not play their games； he could do something they could notdo； he was able； as one of his teachers said； to think。 But this brought him little in the way ofconsolation； for to…day he was terrified of his thoughts。 He wanted to be with these boys in thestreet； headless and thoughtless； wearing out his treacherous and bewildering body。
But now it was eleven o’clock； and in two hours his father would be home。 And then theymight eat； and then his father would lead them in prayer； and then he would give them a Biblelesson。 By and by it would be evening and he would go to clean the church； and remained for tarryservice。 Suddenly； sitting at the window； and with a violence unprecedented； there arose in John aflood of fury and tears； and he bowed his head； fists clenched against the window…pane； crying；with teeth on edge： ‘What shall I do？ What shall I do？’
Then his mother called him； and he remembered that she was in the kitchen washingclothes and probably had something for him to do。 He rose sullenly and walked into the kitchen。
She stood over the wash…tub； her arms wet and soapy to the elbows and sweat standing on herbrow。 Her apron； improvised from an old sheet； was wet where she had been leaning over thescrubbing…board。 As he came in； she straightened； drying her hands on the edge of the apron。
‘You finish your work； John？’ she askedHe said： ‘Yes’m；’ and thought how oddly she looked at him； as though she were looking atsomeone else’s child。
‘That’s a good boy；’ she said。 She smiled a shy； strained smile。 ‘You know you’re yourmother’s right…hand man？’
He said nothing； and he did not smile； but watched her； wandering to what task thispreamble led。
She turned away； passing one damp hand across her forehead； and went to the cupboard。
Her back was to him； and he watched her while she took down a bright； figured vase； filled withflowers only on the most special occasions； and emptied the contents into her palm。 He heard thechink of money； which meant that she was g