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horrified by the nothingness； as always； but I was also strangely impatient as
I waited for the moment that
would send me screaming into consciousness。 I knew the nightmare had to end。
The next Wednesday； before I could get home from the ER； Dr。 Gerandy called to
warn my father that I
might possibly have a concussion and advised him to wake me up every two hours
through the night to
make sure it wasn't serious。 Charlie's eyes narrowed suspiciously at my weak
explanation about tripping
again。
〃Maybe you should just stay out of the garage altogether； Bella；〃 he suggested
that night during dinner。
I panicked； worried that Charlie was about to lay down some kind of edict that
would prohibit La Push；
and consequently my motorcycle。 And I wasn't giving it up—I'd had the most
amazing hallucination
today。 My velvet…voiced delusion had yelled at me for almost five minutes
before I'd hit the brake too
abruptly and launched myself into the tree。 I'd take whatever pain that would
cause me tonight without
plaint。
〃This didn't happen in the garage；〃 I protested quickly。 〃We were hiking； and
I tripped over a rock。〃
〃Since when do you hike？〃 Charlie asked skeptically。
〃Working at Newton's was bound to rub off sometime；〃 I pointed out。 〃Spend
every day selling all the
virtues of the outdoors； eventually you get curious。〃
Charlie glared at me； unconvinced。
〃I'll be more careful；〃 I promised； surreptitiously crossing my fingers under
the table。
〃I don't mind you hiking right there around La Push； but keep close to town；
okay？〃
〃Why？〃
〃Well； we've been getting a lot of wildlife plaints lately。 The forestry
department is going to check into
it； but for the time being〃
〃Oh； the big bear；〃 I said with sudden prehension。 〃Yeah； some of the
hikers ing through
Newton's have seen it。 Do you think there's really some giant mutated grizzly
out there？〃
His forehead creased。 〃There's something。 Keep it close to town； okay？〃
〃Sure； sure；〃 I said quickly。 He didn't look pletely appeased。
〃Charlie's getting nosy；〃 I plained to Jacob when I picked him up after
school Friday。
〃Maybe we should cool it with the bikes。〃 He saw my objecting expression and
added； 〃At least for a
week or so。 You could stay out of the hospital for a week； right？〃
〃What are we going to do？〃 I griped。
He smiled cheerfully。 〃What ever you want。〃
I thought about that for a minute—about what I wanted。
I hated the idea of losing even my brief seconds of closeness with the
memories that didn't hurt—the ones
that came on their own； without me thinking of them consciously。 If I couldn't
have the bikes； I was going
to have to find some other avenue to the danger and the adrenaline； and that
was going to take serious
thought and creativity。 Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing。
Suppose I got depressed again；
even with Jake？ I had to keep occupied。
Maybe there was some other way； some other recipe some other place。
The house had been a mistake； certainly。 But his presence must be stamped
somewhere； somewhere
other than inside me。 There had to be a place where he seemed more real than
among all the familiar
landmarks that were crowded with other human memories。
I could think of one place where that might hold true。 One place that would
always belong to him and no
one else。 A magic place； full of light。 The beautiful meadow I'd seen only
once in my life； lit by sunshine
and the sparkle of his skin。
This idea had a huge potential for backfiring—it might be dangerously
painful。 My chest ached with
emptiness even to think of it。 It was hard to hold myself upright； to not give
myself away。 But surely； there
of all places； I could hear his voice。 And I'd already told Charlie I was
hiking
〃What are you thinking about so hard？〃 Jacob asked。
〃Well〃 I began slowly。 〃I found this place in the forest once—I came across
it when I was； um； hiking。
A little meadow； the most beautiful place。 I don't know if I could track it
down again on my own。 It
would definitely take a few tries〃
〃We could use a pass and a grid pattern；〃 Jacob said with confident
helpfulness。 〃Do you know
where you started from？〃
〃Yes； just below the trailhead where the one…ten ends。 I was going mostly
south； I think。〃
〃Cool。 We'll find it。〃 As always； Jacob was game for anything I wanted。 No
matter how strange it was。
So； Saturday afternoon； I tied on my new hiking boots—purchased that morning
using my
twenty…per…cent…off employee discount for the first time—grabbed my new
topographical map of the
Olympic Peninsula； and drove to La Push。
We didn't get started immediately； first； Jacob sprawled across the living
room floor—taking up the
whole room—and； for a full twenty minutes； drew a plicated web across the
key section of the map
while I perched on a kitchen chair and talked to Billy。 Billy didn't seem at
all concerned about our
proposed hiking trip。 I was surprised that Jacob had told him where we were
going； given the fuss people
were making about the bear sightings。 I wanted to ask Billy not to say
anything about this to Charlie； but I
was afraid that making the request would cause the opposite result。
〃Maybe we'll see the super bear；〃 Jacob joked； eyes on his design。
I glanced at Billy swiftly； fearing a Charlie…style reaction。
But Billy just laughed at his son。 〃Maybe you should take a jar of honey； just
in case。〃
Jake chuckled。 〃Hope your new boots are fast； Bella。 One little jar isn't
going to keep a hungry bear
occupied for long。〃
〃I only have to be faster than you。〃
〃Good luck with that！〃 Jacob said； rolling his eyes as he refolded the map。
〃Let's go。〃
〃Have fun；〃 Billy rumbled； wheeling himself toward the refrigerator。
Charlie was not a hard person to live with； but it looked to me like Jacob had
it even easier than I did。
I drove to the very end of the dirt road； stopping near the sign that marked
the beginning of the trailhead。
It had been a long time since I'd been here； and my stomach reacted nervously。
This might be a very bad
thing。 But it would be worth it； if I got to hear him。
I got out and looked at the dense wall of green。
〃I went this way；〃 I murmured； pointing straight ahead。
〃Hmm；〃 Jake muttered。
〃What？〃
He looked at the direction I'd pointed； then at the clearly marked trail； and
back。
〃I would have figured you for a trail kind of girl。〃
〃Not me。〃 I smiled bleakly。 〃I'm a rebel。〃
He laughed； and then pulled out our map。
〃Give me a second。〃 He held the pass in a skilled way； twisting the map
around till it angled the way
he wanted。
〃Okay—first line on the grid。 Let's do it。〃
I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up； but he didn't plain。 I tried not
to dwell on my last trip through
this part of the forest； with a very different panion。 Normal memories were
still cangerous。 If I let
myself slip up； I'd end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it
together； gasping for air； and how
would I explain that to Jacob？
It wasn't as hard as I would have thought to keep focused on the present。 The
forest looked a lot like any
other part of the peninsula； and Jacob set a vastly different mood。
He whistled cheerfully； an unfamiliar tune； swinging his arms and moving
easily through the rough
undergrowth。 The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual。 Not with my personal
sun along。
Jacob checked the pass every few minutes； keeping us in a straight line
with one of the radiating
spokes of his grid。 He really looked like he knew what he was doing。 I was
going to pliment him； but
I caught myself。 No doubt he'd add another few years to his inflated age。
My mind wandered as I walked； and I grew curious。 I hadn't forgotten the
conversation we'd had by the
sea cliffs—I'd been waiting for him to bring it up again； but it didn't look
like that was going to happen。
〃Hey Jake？〃 I asked hesitantly。
〃Yeah？〃
〃How are things with Embry？ Is he back to normal yet？〃
Jacob was silent for a minute； still moving forward with long paces。 When he
was about ten feet ahead；
he stopped to wait for me。
〃No。 He's not back t