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a blurred wandering
through old memories—blinding bright visions of the Phoenix sun； my mother's
face； a ramshackle tree
house； a faded quilt； a wall of mirrors； a flame on the black water I forgot
each of them as soon as the
picture changed。
The last picture was the only one that stuck in my head。 It was meaningless—
just a set on a stage。 A
balcony at night； a painted moon hanging in the sky。 I watched the girl in her
nightdress lean on the railing
and talk to herself。
Meaningless but when I slowly struggled back to consciousness； Juliet was on
my mind。
Jacob was still asleep； he'd slumped down to the floor and his breathing was
deep and even。 The house
was darker now than before； it was black outside the window。 I was stiff； but
warm and almost dry。 The
inside of my throat burned with every breath I took。
I was going to have to get up—at least to get a drink。 But my body just
wanted tc he here limp； to never
move again。
Instead of moving； I thought about Juliet some more。
I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her； not because he was
banished； but because
he lost interests What if Rosalind had given him the time of day； and he'd
changed his mind？ What if；
instead of marrying Juliet； he'd just disappeared？
I thought I knew how Juliet would feel。
She wouldn't go back to her old life； not really。 She wouldn't ever have moved
on； I was sure of that。
Even if she'd lived until she was old and gray； every time she closed her
eyes； it would have been
Romeo's face she saw behind her lids。 She would have accepted that；
eventually。
I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end； just to please her
parents； to keep the peace。 No；
probably not； I decided。 But then； the story didn't say much about Paris。 He
was just a stick figure—a
placeholder； a threat； a deadline to force her hand。
What if there were more to Paris？
What if Paris had been Juliet's friend？ Her very best friend？ What if he was
the only one she could
confide in about the whole devastating thing with Romeo？ The one person who
really understood her and
made her feel halfway human again？ What if he was patient and kind？ What if he
took care of her？ What
if Juliet knew she couldn't survive without him？ What if he really loved her；
and wanted her to be happy？
And what if she loved Paris？ Not like Romeo。 Nothing like that； of course。
But enough that she
wanted him to be happy； too？
Jacob's slow； deep breathing was the only sound in the room—like a lullaby
hummed to a child； like the
whisper of a rocking chair； like the ticking of an old clock when you had
nowhere you needed to goIt
was the sound of fort。
If Romeo was really gone； never ing back； would it have mattered whether or
not Juliet had taken
Paris up on his offer？ Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover
scraps of life that were left
behind。 Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get。
I sighed； and then groaned when the sigh scraped my throat。 I was reading too
much into the story。
Romeo wouldn't change his mind。 That's why people still remembered his name；
always twined with hers：
Romeo and Juliet。 That's why it was a good story。 〃Juliet gets dumped and ends
up with Paris〃 would
have never been a hit。
I closed my eyes and drifted again； letting my mind wander away from the
stupid play I didn't want to
think about anymore。 I thought about reality instead—about jumping off the
cliff and what a brainless
mistake that had been。 And not just the cliff； but the motorcycles and the
whole irresponsible Evel
Knievel bit。 What if something bad happened to me？ What would that do to
Charlie？ Harry's heart
attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me。 Perspective
that I didn't want to see；
because—if I admitted to the truth of it—it would mean that I would have to
change my ways。 Could I
live like that？
Maybe。 It wouldn't be easy； in fact； it would be downright miserable to give
up my hallucinations and try
to be a grown…up。 But maybe I should do it。 And maybe I could。 If I had Jacob。
I couldn't make that decision right now。 It hurt too much。 I'd think about
something else。
Images from my ill…considered afternoon stunt rolled through my head while I
tried to e up with
something pleasant to think about the feel of the air as I fell； the
blackness of the water； the thrashing of
the current Edward's face I lingered there for a long time。 Jacob's warm
hands； trying to beat life
back into me the stinging rain flung down by the purple clouds the strange
fire on the waves
There was something familiar about that flash of color on top of the water。 Of
course it couldn't really be
fire—
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car squelching through the mud
on the road outside。 I
heard it stop in front of the house； and doors started opening and closing。 I
thought about sitting up； and
then decided against that idea。
Billy's voice was easily identifiable； but he kept it uncharacteristically
low； so that it was only a gravelly
grumble。
The door opened； and the light flicked on。 I blinked； momentarily blind。 Jake
startled awake； gasping and
jumping to his feet。
〃Sorry；〃 Billy grunted。 〃Did we wake you？〃
My eyes slowly focused on his face； and then； as I could read his expression；
they filled with tears。
〃Oh； no； Billy！〃 I moaned。
He nodded slowly； his expression hard with grief。 Jake hurried to his father
and took one of his hands。
The pain made his face suddenly childlike—it looked odd on top of the man's
body。
Sam was right behind Billy； pushing his chair through the door。 His normal
posure was absent from
his agonized face。
〃I'm so sorry；〃 I whispered。
Billy nodded。 〃It's gonna be hard all around。〃
〃Where's Charlie？〃
〃Your dad is still at the hospital with Sue。 There are a lot of arrangements
to be made。〃
I swallowed hard。
〃I'd better get back there；〃 Sam mumbled； and he ducked hastily out the door。
Billy pulled his hand away from Jacob； and then he rolled himself through the
kitchen toward his room。
Jake stared after him for a minute； then came to sit on the floor beside me
again。 He put his face in his
hands。 I rubbed his shoulder； wishing I could think of anything to say。
After a long moment； Jacob caught my hand and held it to his face。
〃How are you feeling？ Are you okay？ I probably should have taken you to a
doctor or something。〃 He
sighed。
〃Don't worry about me；〃 I croaked。
He twisted his head to look at me。 His eyes were rimmed in red。 〃You don't
look so good。〃
〃I don't feel so good； either； I guess。〃
〃I'll go get your truck and then take you home—you probably ought to be there
when Charlie gets back。〃
〃Right。〃
I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him。 Billy was silent in the
other room。 I felt like a peeping
torn； peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine。
It didn't take Jake long。 The roar of my truck's engine broke the silence
before I expected it。 He helped
me up from the couch without speaking； keeping his arm around my shoulder when
the cold air outside
made me shiver。 He took the driver's seat without asking； and then pulled me
next to his side to keep his
arm tight around me。 I leaned my head against his chest。
〃How will you get home？〃 I asked。
〃I'm not going home。 We still haven't caught the bloodsucker； remember？〃
My next shudder had nothing to do with cold。
It was a quiet ride after that。 The cold air had woken me up。 My mind was
alert； and it was working very
hard and very fast。
What if？ What was the right thing to do？
I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now—I cringed away from the idea of
even trying to imagine
that。 Somehow； he'd bee essential to my survival。 But to leave things the
way they were was that
cruel； as Mike had accused？
I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother。 I realized now that all I
really wanted was a claim on
him。 It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this。 It just felt nice—
warm and forting and familiar。
Safe。 Jacob was a safe harbor