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that I'd already begun to
hope； without giving myself permission to do 5。0。
〃You don't have to be afraid；〃 he said； anxious as he watched the tears dew up
again on the rims of my
eyes。 〃I won't let them hurt you。〃
〃While you're here。〃 Not that I cared what happened to me when he left。
He took my face between his two stone hands； holding it tightly while his
midnight eyes glared into mine
with the gravitational force of a black hole。 〃I will never leave you again。〃
〃But you said thirty；〃 I whispered。 The tears leaked over the edge。 〃What？
You're going to stay； but let
me get all old anyway？ Right。〃
His eyes softened； while his mouth went hard。 〃That's exactly what I'm going
to do。 What choice have I？
I cannot be without you； but I will not destroy your soul。〃
〃Is this really〃 I tried to keep my voice even； but this question was too
hard。 I remembered his face
when Aro had almost begged him to consider making me immortal。 The sick look
there。 Was this fixation
with keeping me human really about my soul； or was it because he wasn't sure
that he wanted me around
that long？
〃Yes？〃 he asked； waiting for my question。
I asked a different one。 Almost—but not quite—as hard。
〃But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother？ Your
grandmother？〃 My voice
was pale with revulsion—I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror。
His whole face was soft now。 He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips。
〃That doesn't mean
anything to me；〃 he breathed against my skin。 〃You will always be the most
beautiful thing in my world。
Of course〃 He hesitated； flinching slightly。 〃If you outgrew me—if you
wanted something more—I
would understand that； Bella。 I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you
wanted to leave me。〃
His eyes were liquid onyx and utterly sincere。 He spoke as if he'd put endless
amounts of thought into this
asinine plan。
〃You do realize that I'll die eventually； right？〃 I demanded。
He'd thought about this part； too。 〃I'll follow after as soon as I can。〃
〃That is seriously〃I looked for the right word。 〃Sick。〃
〃Bella； it's the only right way left—〃
〃Let's just back up for a minute；〃 I said； feeling angry made it so much
easier to be clear； decisive。 〃You
do remember the Volturi； right？ I can't stay human forever。 They'll kill me。
Even if they don't think of me
tillI'm thirty〃—I hissed the word—〃do you really think they'll forget？〃
〃No；〃 he answered slowly； shaking his head。 〃They won't forget。 But〃
〃But？〃
He grinned while I stared at him warily。 Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one。
〃I have a few plans。〃
〃And these plans；〃 I said； my voice getting more acidic with each word。 〃These
plans all center around
me staying human。〃
My attitude hardened his expression。 〃Naturally。〃 His tone was brusque； his
divine face arrogant。
We glowered at each other for a long minute。
Then I took a deep breath； squared my shoulders； I pushed his arms away so
that I could sit up。
〃Do you want me to leave？〃 he asked； and it made my heart flutter to see that
this idea hurt him； though
he tried not to show it。
〃No；〃 I told him。 〃I'm leaving。〃
He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in
the dark room； looking
for my shoes。
〃May I ask where you are going。'〃 he asked。
〃I'm going to your house；〃 I told him； still feeling around blindly。
He got up and came to my side。 〃Here are your shoes。 How did you plan to get
there？〃
〃My truck。〃
〃That will probably wake Charlie；〃 he offered as a deterrent。
I sighed。 〃I know。 But honestly； I'll be grounded for weeks as it is。 How much
more trouble can I really
getin？〃
〃None。 He'll blame me； not you。〃
〃If you have a better idea； I'm all ears。〃
〃Stay here；〃 he suggested； but his expression wasn't hopeful。
〃No dice。 But you go ahead and make yourself at home；〃 I encouraged； surprised
at how natural my
teasing sounded； and headed for the door。
He was there before me； blocking my way。
I frowned； and turned for the window。 It wasn't really that far to the ground；
and it was mostly grass
beneath
〃Okay；〃 he sighed。 〃I'll give you a ride。〃
I shrugged。 〃Either way。 But you probably should be there； too。〃
〃And why is that？〃
〃Because you're extraordinarily opinionated； and I'm sure you'll want a chance
to air your views。〃
〃My views on which subject？〃 He asked through his teeth。
〃This isn't just about you anymore。 You're not the center of the universe； you
know。〃 My own personal
universe was； of course； a different story。 〃If you're going to bring the
Volturi down on us over something
as stupid as leaving me human； then your family ought to have a say。〃
〃A say in what？〃 he asked； each word distinct。
〃My mortality。 I'm putting it to a vote。〃
24。 VOTE
HE WAS NOT PLEASED； THAT MUCH WAS EASY TO READ in his face。 But； without
further
argument； he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window； landing
without the slightest jolt；
like a cat。 It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined。
〃All right then；〃 he said； his voice seething with disapproval。 〃Up you go。〃
He helped me onto his back； and took off running。 Even after all this time； it
felt routine。 Easy。 Evidently
this was something you never forgot； like riding a bicycle。
It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest； his breathing slow
and even—dark enough
that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible； and only the rush of air
in my face truly gave away our
speed。 The air was damp； it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big
plaza had； and that was
forting。 As was the night； too； after that terrifying brightness。 Like the
thick quilt I'd played under as a
child； the dark felt familiar and protecting。
I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me；
that I used to have to close my
eyes。 It seemed a silly reaction to me now。 I kept my eyes wide； my chin
resting on his shoulder； my
cheek against his neck。 The speed was exhilarating。 A hundred times better
than the motorcycle。
I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of
his neck。
〃Thank you；〃 he said； as the vague； black shapes of trees raced past us。 〃Does
that mean you've decided
you're awake？〃
I laughed。 The sound was easy； natural； effortless。 It sounded right。 〃Not
really。 More that； either way；
I'm not trying to wake up。 Not tonight。〃
〃I'll earn your trust back somehow；〃 he murmured； mostly to himself。 〃If it's
my final act。〃
〃I trust you；〃 I assured him。 〃It's me I don't trust。〃
〃Explain that； please。〃
He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I
guessed that we weren't far
from the house。 In fact； I thought I could make out the sound of the river
rushing somewhere close by in
the darkness。
〃Well—〃 I struggled to find the right way to phrase it。 〃I don't trust myself
to be enough。 To deserve
you。 There's nothing about me that could hold you。〃
He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back。 His gentle hands did
not release me； after he'd
set me on my feet again； he wrapped his arms tightly around me； hugging me to
his chest。
〃Your hold is permanent and unbreakable；〃 he whispered。 〃Never doubt that。〃
But how could I not？
〃You never did tell me〃 he murmured。
〃What？〃
〃What your greatest problem is。〃
〃I'll give you one guess。〃 I sighed； and reached up to touch the tip of his
nose with my index finger。
He nodded。 〃I'm worse than the Volturi；〃 he said grimly。 〃I guess I've earned
that。〃
I rolled my eyes。 〃The worst the Volturi can do is kill me。〃
He waited with tense eyes。
〃You can leave me；〃 I explained。 〃The Volturi； Victoria they're nothing
pared to that。〃
Even in the darkness； I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me
of his expression under
Jane's torturing gaze； I felt sick； and regretted speaking the truth。
〃Don't；〃 I whispered； touching his face。 〃Don't be sad。〃
He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly； but the expression didn't
touch his eyes。 〃If there was
only some way to make you see that I can't l