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memory that would hurt too much； but the false memory of Edward's voice in my mind this
afternoon—and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly
down my empty face。
It was a new dream tonight。 Rain was falling and Jacob was walking soundlessly beside me； though
beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel。 But he wasn't my Jacob； he was the new； bitter；
graceful Jacob。 The smooth suppleness of his walk reminded me of someone else； and； as I watched； his
features started to change。 The russet color of his skin leached away； leaving his face pale white like
bone。 His eyes turned gold； and then crimson； and then back to gold again。 His shorn hair twisted in the
breeze； turning bronze where the wind touched it。 And his face became so beautiful that it shattered my
heart。 I reached for him； but he took a step away； raising his hands like a shield。 And then Edward
vanished。
I wasn't sure； when I woke in the dark； if I'd just begun crying； or if my tears had run while I slept and
simply continued now。 I stared at my dark ceiling。 I could feel that it was the middle of the night—I was
still halfasleep； maybe more than half。 I closed my eyes wearily and prayed for a dreamless sleep。
That's when I heard the noise that must have wakened me in the first place。 Something sharp scraped
along the length of my window with a highpitched squeal； like fingernails against the glass。
12。 INTRUDER
MY EYES FLEW WIDE OPEN WITH FRIGHT； THOUGH I WAS so exhausted and muddled that I
was not yet positive whether I was awake or asleep。
Something scratched against my window again with the same thin； highpitched sound。
Confused and clumsy with sleep； I stumbled out of my bed and to the window； blinking the lingering tears
from my eyes on the way。
A huge； dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass； lurching toward me like it was
going to smash right through。 I staggered back； terrified； my throat closing around a scream。
Victoria。
She'd e for me。
I was dead。
Not Charlie； too！
I choked back the building scream。 I would have to keep quiet through this。 Somehow。 I had to keep
Charlie from ing to investigate…
And then a familiar； husky voice called from the dark shape。
〃Bella！〃 it hissed。 〃Ouch！ Damn it； open the window！ OUCH！〃
I needed two seconds to shake off the horror before I could move； but then I hurried to the window and
shoved the glass out of the way。 The clouds were dimly lit from behind； enough for me to make sense of
the shapes。
〃What are you doing？〃 I gasped。
Jacob was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Charlie's little front
yard。 His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung—his legs dangling twenty feet
above the ground—not a yard away from me。 The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the
side of the house again with a grating squeal。
〃I'm trying to keep〃—he huffed； shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him—〃my promise！〃
I blinked my wet blurry eyes； suddenly sure that I was dreaming。
〃When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree？〃
He snorted； unamused； swinging his legs to improve his balance。 〃Get out of the way；〃 he ordered。
〃What？〃
He swung his legs again； backwards and forward； increasing his momentum。 I realized what he was ttying
to do。
〃No； Jake！〃
But I ducked to the side； aecause it was too late。 With a grunt； he launched himself toward my open
window。
Another scream built in my throat as I waited for him to fall to his death—or at least maim himself against
the wooden siding。 To my shock； he swung agilely into my room； landing on the balls of his feet with a
low thud。
We both looked to the door automatically； holding our breath； waiting to see if the noise had woken
Charlie。 A short moment of silence passed； and then we heard the muffled sound of Charlie's snore。
A wide grin spread slowly across Jacob's face； he seemed extremely pleased with himself。 It wasn't the
grin that I knew and loved—it was a new grin； one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity； on the
new face that belonged to Sam。
That was a bit much for me。
I'd cried myself to sleep over this boy。 His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what was
left of my chest。 He'd left a new nightmare behind him； like an infection in a sore—the insult after the
injury。 And now he was here in my room； smirking at me as if none of that had passed。 Worse than that；
even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward； it reminded me of when Edward used to sneak in
through my window at night； and the reminder picked viciously at the unhealed wounds。
All of this； coupled with the fact that I was dogtired； did not put me in a friendly mood。
〃Get out！〃 I hissed； putting as much venom into the whisper as I could。
He blinked； his face going blank with surprise。
〃No；〃 he protested。 〃I came to apologize。〃
〃I don't accept！〃
I tried to shove him back out the window—after all； if this was a dream； it wouldn't really hurt him。 It was
useless； though。 I didn't budge him an inch。 I dropped my hands quickly； and stepped away from him。
He wasn't wearing a shirt； though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver； and
it made me unfortable to have my hands on his bare chest。 His skin was burning hot； like his head
had been the last time I'd touched him。 Like he was still sick with the fever。
He didn't look sick。 He looked huge。 He leaned over me； so big that he blacked out the window；
tonguetied by my furious reaction。
Suddenly； it was just more than I could handle—it felt as if all of my sleepless nights were crashing down
on me en masse。 I was so brutally tired that I thought I might collapse right there on the floor。 I swayed
unsteadily； and struggled to keep my eyes open。
〃Bella？〃 Jacob whispered anxiously。 He caught my elbow as I swayed again； and steered me back to the
bed。 My legs gave out when I reached the edge； and I plopped into a limp heap on the mattress。
〃Hey； are you okay？〃 Jacob asked； worry creasing his forehead。
I looked up at him； the tears not yet dried on my cheeks。 〃Why in the world would I be okay； Jacob？〃
Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face。 〃Right；〃 he agreed； and took a deep breath。 〃Crap。
Well… I—I'm so sorry； Bella。〃 The apology was sincere； no doubt about it； though there was still an
angry twist to his features。
〃Why did you e here？ I don't want apologies from you； Jake。〃
〃I know；〃 he whispered。 〃But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon。 Thar was horrible。 I'm
sorry。〃
I shook my head wearily。 〃I don't understand anything。〃
〃I know。 I want to explain—〃 He broke off suddenly； his mouth open； almost like something had cut off
his air。 Then he sucked in a deep breath。 〃But I can't explain；〃 he said； still angry。 〃I wish I could。〃
I let my head fall into my hands。 My question came out muffled by my arm。 〃Why？〃
He was quiet for a moment。 I twisted my head to the side—too tired to hold it up—to see his expression。
It surprised me。 His eyes were squinted； his teeth clenched； his forehead wrinkled in effort。
〃What's wrong？〃 I asked。
He exhaled heavily； and I realized he'd been holding his breath； too。 〃I can't do it；〃 he muttered；
frustrated。
〃Do what？〃
He ignored my question。 〃Look； Bella； haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone？〃
He looked at me with knowing eyes； and my thoughts jumped immediately to the Cullens。 I hoped my
expression didn't look guilty。
〃Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie； from your mom… ？〃 he pressed。 〃Something you
won't even talk about with me？ Not even now？〃
I felt my eyes tighten。 I didn't answer his question； though I knew he would take that as a confirmation。
〃Can you understand that I might have the same kind of… situation？〃 He was struggling again； seeming to
fight for the right words。 〃Sometimes； loyalty gets in the way of what you wa