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easier to deal with your pain than face mine。
Fair enough。
I know it's going to be bad for you； Jacob。 I understand that— maybe better than you think。 I don't
like her； but。。。 she's your Sam。 She's everything you want and everything you can't have。
I couldn't answer。
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know it's worse for you。 At least Sam is happy。 At least he's alive and well。 I love him enough
that I want that。 I want him to have what's best for him。 She sighed。 I just don't want to stick
around to watch。
Do we need to talk about this？
I think we do。 Because I want you to know that I won't make it worse for you。 Hell； maybe I'll even
help。 I wasn'tborn a passionless shrew。 I used to be sort of nice； you know。
My memory doesn't go that far back。
We both laughed once。
I'm sorry about this； Jacob。 I'm sorry you're in pain。 I'm sorry it's getting worse and not better
Thanks； Leah。
She thought about the things that were worse； the black pictures in my head； while I tried to tune her out
without much success。 She was able to look at them with some distance； some perspective； and I had to
admit that this was helpful。 I could imagine that maybe I would be able to see it that way； too； in a few
years。
She saw the funny side of the daily irritations that came from hanging out around vampires。 She liked my
ragging on Rosalie； chuckling internally and even running through a few blonde jokes in her mind that I
might be able
to work in。 But then her thoughts turned serious； lingering on Rosalie's face in a way that confused me。
You know what's crazy？she asked。
Well； almost everything is crazy right now。 But what do you mean？
That blond vampire you hate so much— totally get her perspective。
For a second I thought she was making a joke that was in very poor taste。 And then； when I realized she
was serious； the fury that ripped through me was hard to control。 It was a good thing we'd spread out to
run our watch。 If she'd been within biting distance。。。
Hold up！ Let me explain！
Don't want to hear it I'm outta here。
Wait！ Wait！she pleaded as I tried to calm myself enough to phase back。 C'mon； Jake！
Leah； this isn't really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future。
Yeesh！ What an overreaction。 You don't even know what I'm talking about
So whatare you talking about？
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And then she was suddenly the painhardened Leah from before。 I'm talking about being a geic
dead end； Jacob。
The vicious edge to her words left me floundering。 I hadn't expected to have my anger trumped。
I don't understand。
Youwould； if you weren't just like the rest of them。 If my 〃female sfuT—she thought the words with
a hard； sarcastic tone— didn't send you running for cover just like any stupid male； so you could
actually pay attention to what it all means。
Oh。
Yeah； so none of us like to think about that stuff with her。 Who would？ Of course I remembered Leah's
panic that first month after she joined the pack—and I remembered cringing away from it just like
everyone else。 Because she couldn't be pregnant— not unless there was some really freaky religious
immaculate crap going on。 She hadn't been with anyone since Sam。 And then； when the weeks dragged
on and nothing turned into more nothing； she'd realized that her body wasn't following the normal patterns
anymore。 The horror—what was she now？ Had her body changed because she'd bee a werewolf？
Or had she bee a werewolf because her body was wrong？ The only female werewolf in the history
of forever。 Was that because she wasn't as female as she should be？
None of us had wanted to deal with that breakdown。 Obviously； it wasn't like we could empathize。
You know why Sam thinks we imprint；she thought； calmer now。
Sure。 To carry on the line。
Right。 To make a bunch of new little werewolves。 Survival of the species； geic override。 You're
drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene。
I waited for her to tell me where she was qoinq with this。
If I was any good for that； Sam would have been drawn tome。
Her pain was enough that I broke stride under it。
But I'm not There's something wrong with me。 I don't have the ability to pass on the gene； apparently；
despite my stellar bloodlines。 So I bee a freak— the girliewolf—good for nothing else。 I'm a
geic dead end and we both know it。
We do not；I argued with her。 That's just Sam's theory。 Imprinting happens； but we don't know why。
Billy thinks it's something else。
I know； I know。 He thinks you're imprinting to makestronger wolves。 Because you and Sam are such
humongous monsters— bigger than our fathers。 But either way； I'm still not a candidate。 I'm。。。 I'm
menopausal。 I'm twenty years old and I'm menopausal。
Ugh。 I so didn't want to have this conversation。 You don't know that； Leah。 It's probably just the
whole frozenintime thing。 When you quit your wolf and start getting older again； I'm sure things
will。。。 er。。。 pick right back up。
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might think that— except that no one's imprinting onme； notwithstanding my impressive
pedigree。 You know； she added thoughtfully； if you weren't around； Seth would probably have the
best claim to being Alpha — through his blood； at least。 Of course； no one would ever consider
me。。。。
You reallywant to imprint； or be imprinted on； or whichever？ I demanded。 What's wrong with
going out and falling in love like a normal person； Leah？ Imprinting is just another way of getting
your choices taken away from you。
Sam； Jared； Paul； Quit。。。 they don't seem to mind。
None of themhave a mind of their own。
You don't want to imprint？
Hell； no！
That's just because you're already in love withher。 That would go away； you know； if you imprinted。
You wouldn't have to hurt over her anymore。
Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam？
She deliberated for a moment。 think I do。
I sighed。 She was in a healthier place than I was。
But back to my original point； Jacob。 I understand why your blond vampire is so cold— in the
figurative sense。 She's focused。 She's got her eyes on the prize； right？ Because you always want
the very most what you can never； ever have。
You would act like Rosalie？ You would murder someone— because that's what she's doing；
making sure no one interferes with Bella's death— you would do that to have a baby？ Since when
are you a breeder？
I just want the options I don't have； Jacob。 Maybe； if there was nothing wrong with me； I would never
give it a thought。
You would kill for that？I demanded； not letting her escape my question。
That's not what she's doing。 I think it's more like she's living vicariously。 And。。。 if Bella askedme to help
her with
this。。。She paused； considering。 Even though I don't think too much of her； I'd probably do the same
as the bloodsucker。
A loud snarl ripped through my teeth。
Because； if it was turned around； I'd want Bella to do that for me。 And so would Rosalie。 We'd both do
it her way。
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Ugh！ You're as bad as they are！
That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something。 It makes you desperate。
And。。 。 that's my limit Right there。 This conversation is over。
Fine。
It wasn't enough that she'd agreed to stop。 I wanted a stronger termination than that。
I was only about a mile from where I'd left my clothes； so I phased back to human and walked。 I didn't
think about our conversation。 Not because there wasn't anything to think about； but because I couldn't
stand it。 I would not see it that way—but it was harder to keep from doing that when Leah had put the
thoughts and emotions straight into my head。
Yeah； I wasn't running with her when this was finished。 She could go be miserab