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out in a mall all day？
I kept going north； and it got more and more crowded。 Eventually； I found a big park full of kids and
families and skateboards and bikes and kites and piics and the whole bit。 I hadn't noticed till now—it
was a nice day。 Sun and all that。 People were out celebrating the blue sky。
I parked across two handicapped spots—just begging for a ticket—and joined the crowd。
I walked around for what felt like hours。 Long enough that the sun changed sides in the sky。 I stared into
the face of every girl who passed anywhere near me； making myself really look； noticing who was pretty
and who had blue eyes and who looked good in braces and who had way too much makeup on。 I tried
to find something interesting about each face； so that I would know for sure that I'd really tried。 Things
like： This one had a really straight nose； that one should pull her hair out of her eyes； this one could do
lipstick ads if the rest of her face was as perfect as her mouth___
Sometimes they stared back。 Sometimes they looked scared—like they were thinking； Who is this big
freak glaring at me？ Sometimes I thought they looked kind of interested； but maybe that was just my
ego running wild。
Either way； nothing。 Even when I met the eyes of the girl who was—no contest—the hottest girl in the
park and probably in the city； and she stared right back with a speculation that looked like interest； I felt
nothing。 Just the same desperate drive to find a way out of the pain。
As time went on； I started noticing all the wrong things。 Bella things。 This one's hair was the same color。
That one's eyes were sort of shaped the same。 This one's cheekbones cut across her face in just the same
way。 That one had the same little crease between her eyes—which made me wonder what she was
worrying about___
That was when I gave up。 Because it was beyond stupid to think that I had picked exactly the right place
and time and I was going to simply walk into my soul mate just because I was so desperate to。
It wouldn't make sense to find her here； anyway。 If Sam was right； the best place to find my geic
match would be in La Push。 And； clearly； no one there fit the bill。 If Billy was right； then who knew？
What made for a stronger wolf？
I wandered back to the car and then slumped against the hood and played with the keys。
Maybe I was what Leah thought she was。 Some kind of dead end that shouldn't be passed on to
another generation。 Or maybe it was just that my life was a big； cruel joke； and there was no escape from
the punch line。
〃Hey； you okay？ Hello？ You there； with the stolen car。〃
It took me a second to realize that the voice was talking to me； and then another second to decide to
raise my head。
A familiarlooking girl was staring at me； her expression kind of anxious。 I knew why I recognized her
face—I'd already catalogued this one。 Light redgold hair； fair skin； a few goldcolored freckles
sprinkled across her cheeks and nose； and eyes the color of cinnamon。
〃If you're feeling that remorseful over boosting the car；〃 she said； smiling so that a dimple popped out in
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her chin； 〃you could always turn yourself in。〃
〃It's borrowed； not stolen；〃 I snapped。 My voice sounded horrible—like I'd been crying or something。
Embarrassing。
〃Sure； thatW hold up in court。〃
I glowered。 〃You need something？〃
〃Not really。 I was kidding about the car； you know。 It's just that。。。 you look really upset about
something。 Oh； hey； I'm Lizzie。〃 She held out her hand。
I looked at it until she let it fall。
〃Anyway。。。；〃 she said awkwardly； 〃I was just wondering if I could help。 Seemed like you were looking
for someone before。〃 She gestured toward the park and shrugged。
〃Yeah。〃
She waited。
I sighed。 〃I don't need any help。 She's not here。〃
〃Oh。 Sorry。〃
〃Me； too；〃 I muttered。
I looked at the girl again。 Lizzie。 She was pretty。 Nice enough to try to help a grouchy stranger who must
seem nuts。 Why couldn't she be the one？ Why did everything have to be so freaking plicated？ Nice
girl； pretty； and sort of funny。 Why not？
〃This is a beautiful car；〃 she said。 〃It's really a shame they're not making them anymore。 I mean； the
Vantage's body styling is gorgeous； too； but there's just something about the Vanquish___〃
Nice girl who knew cars。 Wow。 I stared at her face harder； wishing I knew how to make it work。
C'mon； Jake— imprint already。
〃How's it drive？〃 she asked。
〃Like you wouldn't believe；〃 I told her。
She grinned her onedimple smile； clearly pleased to have dragged a halfway civil response out of me；
and I gave her a reluctant smile back。
But her smile did nothing about the sharp； cutting blades that raked up and down my body。 No matter
how much I wanted it to； my life was not going to e together like that。
I wasn't in that healthier place where Leah was headed。 I wasn't going to be able to fall in love like a
normal person。 Not when I was bleeding over someone else。 Maybe—if it was ten years from now and
Bella's heart was long dead and I'd hauled myself through the whole grieving process and e out in
one piece again—maybe then I could offer Lizzie a ride in a fast car and talk makes and models and get
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to know something about her and see if I liked her as a person。 But that wasn't going to happen now。
Magic wasn't going to save me。 I was just going to have to take the torture like a man。 Suck it up。
Lizzie waited； maybe hoping I was going to offer her that ride。 Or maybe not。
〃I'd better get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from；〃 I muttered。
She smiled again。 〃Glad to hear you're going straight。〃
〃Yeah； you convinced me。〃
She watched me get in the car； still sort of concerned。 I probably looked like someone who was about
to drive off a cliff。 Which maybe I would've； if that kind of move'd work for a werewolf。 She waved
once； her eyes trailing after the car。
At first； I drove more sanely on the way back。 I wasn't in a rush。 I didn't want to go where I was going。
Back to that house； back to that forest。 Back to the pain I'd run from。 Back to being absolutely alone
with it。
Okay； that was melodramatic。 I wouldn't be all alone； but that was a bad thing。 Leah and Seth would
have to suffer with me。 I was glad Seth wouldn't have to suffer long。 Kid didn't deserve to have his peace
of mind ruined。 Leah didn't； either； but at least it was something she understood。 Nothing new about pain
for Leah。
I sighed big as I thought about what Leah wanted from me； because I knew now that she was going to
get it。 I was still pissed at her； but I couldn't ignore the fact that i could make her life easier。 And—now
that I knew her better—I thought she would probably do this for me； if our positions were reversed。
It would be interesting； at the very least； and strange； too； to have Leah as a panion—as a friend。
We were going to get under each other's skin a lot； that was for sure。 She wouldn't be one to let me
wallow； but I thought that was a good thing。 I'd probably need someone to kick my butt now and then。
But when it came right down to it； she was really the only friend who had any chance of understanding
what I was going through now。
I thought of the hunt this morning； and how close our minds had been for that one moment in time。 It
hadn't been a bad thing。 Different。 A little scary； a little awkward。 But also nice in a weird way。
I didn't have to be all alone。
And I knew Leah was strong enough to face with me the months that were ing。 Months and years。 It
made me tired to think about it。 I felt like I was staring out across an ocean that I was going to have to
swim from shore to shore before I could rest again。
So much time ing； and then so little time before it started。 Before I was flung into that ocean。 Three
and a half more days； and here I was； wasting that little bit of time I had。
I started driving too fast a