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5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第12部分

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 breath。 A particularly concentrated wave of her scent hit the back of my throat。 It was like the first day like the wrecking ball。 The pain of the burning dryness made me dizzy。 I had to grasp the table again to keep myself in my seat。 This time I had slightly more control。 I didn t break anything; at least。 The monster growled inside me; but took no pleasure in my pain。 He was too tightly bound。 For the moment。

I stopped breathing altogether; and leaned as far from the girl as I could。 No; I could not afford to find her fascinating。 The more interesting I found her; the more likely it was that I would kill her。 I d already made two minor slips today。 Would I make a third; one that was not minor? As soon as the bell sounded; I fled from the classroom probably destroying whatever impression of politeness I d halfway constructed in the course of the hour。 Again; I gasped at the clean; wet air outside like it was a healing attar。 I hurried to put as much distance between myself and the girl as was possible。 Emmett waited for me outside the door of our Spanish class。 expression for a moment。 How did it go? he wondered warily。 Nobody died; I mumbled。 I guess that s something。 When I saw Alice ditching there at the end; I thought He read my wild As we walked into the classroom; I saw his memory from just a few moments ago; seen through the open door of his last class: Alice walking briskly and blankfaced across the grounds toward the science building。 I felt his remembered urge to get up and join her; and then his decision to stay。 If Alice needed his help; she would ask I closed my eyes in horror and disgust as I slumped into my seat。 I hadn t realized that it was that close。 I didn t think I was going to I didn t see that it was that bad; I whispered。 It wasn t; he reassured me。 Nobody died; right? Right; I said through my teeth。 Not this time。 Maybe it will get easier。 Sure。 Or; maybe you kill her。 He shrugged。 You wouldn t be the first one to mess up。 No one would judge you too harshly。 Sometimes a person just smells too good。 I m impressed you ve lasted this long。 Not helping; Emmett。 I was revolted by his acceptance of the idea that I would kill the girl; that this was somehow inevitable。 Was it her fault that she smelled so good? I know when it happened to me ; he reminisced; taking me back with him half a century; to a country lane at dusk; where a middleaged women was taking her dried sheets down from a line strung between apple trees。 The scent of apples hung heavy in the air the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground; the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds。 A freshmowed field of hay was a background to that scent; a harmony。 He walked up the lane; all but oblivious to the woman; on an errand for Rosalie。 The sky was purple overhead; orange over the western trees。 He would have continued up the meandering cart path and there would have been no reason to remember the evening; except that a sudden night breeze blew the white sheets out like sails and fanned the woman s scent across Emmett s face。

Ah; I groaned quietly。 I know。 As if my own remembered thirst was not enough。 I didn t even think about resisting。 I didn t last half a second。 His memory became far too explicit for me to stand。 I jumped to my feet; my teeth locked hard enough cut through steel。 Esta bien; Edward? Senora Goff asked; startled by my sudden movement。 see my face in her mind; and I knew that I looked far from well。 Me perdona; I muttered; as I darted for the door。 Emmett por favor; puedas tu ayuda a tu hermano? she asked; gesturing helplessly toward me as I rushed out of the room。 Sure; I heard him say。 And then he was right behind me。 I could He followed me to the far side of the building; where he caught up to me and put his hand on my shoulder。 I shoved his hand away with unnecessary force。 It would have shattered the bones in a human hand; and the bones in the arm attached to it。 Sorry; Edward。 I know。 I drew in deep gasps of air; trying to clear my head and my lungs。 Is it as bad as that? he asked; trying not to think of the scent and the flavor of his memory as he asked; and not quite succeeding。 Worse; Emmett; worse。 He was quiet for a moment。 Maybe No; it would not be better if I got it over with。 want to be alone。 Go back to class; Emmett。 I He turned without another word or thought and walked quickly away。 He would tell the Spanish teacher that I was sick; or ditching; or a dangerously out of control vampire。 Did his excuse really matter? Maybe I wasn t ing back。 Maybe I had to leave。 I went to my car again; to wait for school to end。 To hide。 Again。 I should have spent the time making decisions or trying to bolster my resolve; but; like an addict; I found myself searching through the babble of thoughts emanating from the school buildings。 The familiar voices stood out; but I wasn t interested in listening to Alice s visions or Rosalie s plaints right now。 I found Jessica easily; but the girl was not with her; so I continued searching。 Mike Newton s thoughts caught my attention; and I located her at last; in gym with him。 He was unhappy; because I d spoken to her today in biology。 He was running over her response when he d brought the subject up I ve never seen him actually talk to anyone for more than a word here or there。

Of course he would decide to find Bella interesting。 I don t like the way he looks at her。 But she didn t seem too excited about him。 What did she say? Wonder what was with him last Monday。 Something like that。 Didn t sound like she cared。 It couldn t have been much of a conversation He talked himself out of his pessimism in that way; cheered by the idea that Bella had not been interested in her exchange with me。 This annoyed me quite a bit more than was acceptable; so I stopped listening to him。 I put a CD of violent music into the stereo; and then turned it up until it drowned out other voices。 I had to concentrate on the music very hard to keep myself from drifting back to Mike Newton s thoughts; to spy on the unsuspecting girl I cheated a few times; as the hour drew to a close。 Not spying; I tried to convince myself。 I was just preparing。 I wanted to know exactly when she would leave the gym; when she would be in the parking lot。 I didn t want her to take me by surprise。 As the students started to file out of the gym doors; I got out of my car; not sure why I did it。 The rain was light I ignored it as it slowly saturated my hair。 Did I want her to see me here? was I doing? Did I hope she would e to speak to me? What I didn t move; though I tried to convince myself to get back in the car; knowing my behavior was reprehensible。 I kept my arms folded across my chest and breathed very shallowly as I watched her walk slowly toward me; her mouth turning down at the corners。 She didn t look at me。 A few times she glanced up at the clouds with a grimace; as if they offended her。 I was disappointed when she reached her car before she had to pass me。 have spoken to me? Would I have spoken to her? Would she She got into a faded red Chevy truck; a rusted behemoth that was older than her father。 I watched her start the truck the old engine roared louder than any other vehicle in the lot and then hold her hands out toward the heating vents。 The cold was unfortable to her she didn t like it。 She bed her fingers through her thick hair; pulling locks through the stream of hot air like she was trying to dry them。 I imagined what the cab of that truck would smell like; and then quickly drove out the thought。 She glanced around as she prepared to back out; and finally looked in my direction。 She stared back at me for only half a second; and all I could read in her eyes was surprise before she tore her eyes away and jerked the truck into reverse。 And then squealed to a stop again; the back end of the truck missing a collision with Erin Teague s pact by mere inches。 She stared into her rearview mirror; her mouth hanging open with chagrin。 When the other car had pulled past her; she checked all her blind spots twice and then inched out the parking space so cautiously that it made me grin。 It was like she thought she was dangerous in her decrepit truck。 The thought of Bella Sw
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