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hung my key up after all； I thought； shaking my head。
Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike； I called
Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance。 When she
offered the same wish for my day with Edward； I told her about the
cancellation。 She was more disappointed than really necessary for a
thirdparty observer to be。 I said goodbye quickly after that。
Charlie was absentminded at dinner； worried over something at work； I
guessed； or maybe a basketball game； or maybe he was just really enjoying
the lasagna — it was hard to tell with Charlie。
〃You know； Dad…〃 I began； breaking into his reverie。
〃What's that； Bell？〃
〃I think you're right about Seattle。 I think I'll wait until Jessica or
someone else can go with me。〃
〃Oh；〃 he said； surprised。 〃Oh； okay。 So； do you want me to stay home？〃
〃No； Dad； don't change your plans。 I've got a million things to do…
homework； laundry… I need to go to the library and the grocery store。
I'll be in and out all day… you go and have fun。〃
〃Are you sure？〃
〃Absolutely； Dad。 Besides； the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish
— we're down to a two； maybe three years' supply。〃
〃You're sure easy to live with； Bella。〃 He smiled。
〃I could say the same thing about you；〃 I said； laughing。 The sound of my
laughter was off； but he didn't seem to notice。 I felt so guilty for
deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I
would be。 Almost。
After dinner； I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer。
Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy。 My mind
definitely had too much free time； and it was getting out of control。 I
fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain；
and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve。 I had to keep reminding
myself that I'd made my choice； and I wasn't going back on it。 I pulled
his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the
two small words he'd written。 He wants me to be safe； I told myself again
and again。 I would just hold on to the faith that； in the end； that
desire would win out over the others。 And what was my other choice — to
cut him out of my life？ Intolerable。 Besides； since I'd e to Forks； it
really seemed like my life was about him。
But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried； wondering if it would
hurt very much… if it ended badly。
I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime。 I
knew I was far too stressed to sleep； so I did something I'd never done
before。 I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that
knocked me out for a good eight hours。 I normally wouldn't condone that
type of behavior in myself； but tomorrow would be plicated enough
without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else。
While I waited for the drugs to kick in； I dried my clean hair till it
was impeccably straight； and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow。 With
everything ready for the morning； I finally lay in my bed。 I felt hyper；
I couldn't stop twitching。 I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs
until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes。 I put that on very
quietly and then lay down again； concentrating on relaxing individual
parts of my body。 Somewhere in the middle of that exercise； the cold
pills took effect； and I gladly sank into unconsciousness。
I woke early； having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my
gratuitous drug use。 Though I was well rested； I slipped right back into
the same hectic frenzy from the night before。 I dressed in a rush；
smoothing my collar against my neck； fidgeting with the tan sweater till
it hung right over my jeans。 I sneaked a swift look out the window to see
that Charlie was already gone。 A thin； cottony layer of clouds veiled the
sky。 They didn't look very lasting。
I ate breakfast without tasting the food； hurrying to clean up when I was
done。 I peeked out the window again； but nothing had changed。 I had just
finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet
knock sent my heart thudding against my rib cage。
I flew to the door； I had a little trouble with the simple dead bolt； but
I yanked the door open at last； and there he was。 All the agitation
dissolved as soon as I looked at his face； calm taking its place。 I
breathed a sigh of relief — yesterday's fears seemed very foolish with
him here。
He wasn't smiling at first — his face was somber。 But then his expression
lightened as he looked me over； and he laughed。
〃Good morning；〃 he chuckled。
〃What's wrong？〃 I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything
important； like shoes； or pants。
〃We match。〃 He laughed again。 I realized he had a long； light tan sweater
on； with a white collar showing underneath； and blue jeans。 I laughed
with him； hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like
a runway model when I couldn't？
I locked the door behind me while he walked to the truck。 He waited by
the passenger door with a martyred expression that was easy to understand。
〃We made a deal；〃 I reminded him smugly； climbing into the driver's seat；
and reaching over to unlock his door。
〃Where to？〃 I asked。
〃Put your seat belt on — I'm nervous already。〃
I gave him a dirty look as I plied。
〃Where to？〃 I repeated with a sigh。
〃Take the oneohone north；〃 he ordered。
It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate on the road while feeling
his gaze on my face。 I pensated by driving more carefully than usual
through the stillsleeping town。
〃Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall？〃
〃This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some
respect；〃 I retorted。
We were soon out of the town limits； despite his negativity。 Thick
underbrush and greenswathed trunks replaced the lawns and houses。
〃Turn right on the oen；〃 he instructed just as I was about to ask。 I
obeyed silently。
〃Now we drive until the pavement ends。〃
I could hear a smile in his voice； but I was too afraid of driving off
the road and proving him right to look over and be sure。
〃And what's there； at the pavement's end？〃 I wondered。
〃A trail。〃
〃We're hiking？〃 Thank goodness I'd worn tennis shoes。
〃Is that a problem？〃 He sounded as if he'd expected as much。
〃No。〃 I tried to make the lie sound confident。 But if he thought my truck
was slow…
〃Don't worry； it's only five miles or so； and we're in no hurry。〃
Five miles。 I didn't answer； so that he wouldn't hear my voice crack in
panic。 Five miles of treacherous roots and loose stones； trying to twist
my ankles or otherwise incapacitate me。 This was going to be humiliating。
We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the ing horror。
〃What are you thinking？〃 he asked impatiently after a few moments。
I lied again。 〃Just wondering where we're going。〃
〃It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice。〃 We both glanced out
the windows at the thinning clouds after he spoke。
〃Charlie said it would be warm today。〃
〃And did you tell Charlie what you were up to？〃 he asked。
〃Nope。〃
〃But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together？〃 He seemed cheered
by the idea。
〃No； I told her you canceled on me — which is true。〃
〃No one knows you're with me？〃 Angrily； now。
〃That depends… I assume you told Alice？〃
〃That's very helpful； Bella；〃 he snapped。
I pretended I didn't hear that。
〃Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal？〃 he demanded
when I ignored him。
〃You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly；〃 I
reminded him。
〃So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me— if you don't e
home？〃 His voice was still angry； and bitingly sarcastic。
I nodded； keeping my eyes on the road。
He muttered something under his breath； speaking so quickly that I
couldn't understand。
We were silent for the rest of the drive。 I could feel the waves of
infuriated disapproval rolling off of him； and I could think of nothi